10 ways to liven up your Turkey day

  1. In lieu of saying Grace, issue Wonderbras, short skirts and bobbysocks
    to female guests, encourage them to imitate Laker Girls.
  2. Issue full pads and helmets to male guests, have a scrimmage over who gets
    the wishbone.
  3. Tell youngest guests they’ll be baked in next year’s turkey if they don’t
    do this year’s dishes.
  4. Mold stuffing into bust of Rush Limbaugh.
  5. Mold mashed potatoes into bust of Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  6. Two words: Cranberry Flambe!
  7. Sneak a can of Cheeze Wiz into the oven. Yell "Fire in the Hole!"
    when it explodes.
  8. Start calling the person next to you "My Little Sweet Potato."
  9. Have the oldest, feeblest guest haul the turkey to the table.
  10. Start a rumor that the hostess has an unrequited pumpkin pie fetish.

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