10 ways to liven up your Turkey day
- In lieu of saying Grace, issue Wonderbras, short skirts and bobbysocks
to female guests, encourage them to imitate Laker Girls.
- Issue full pads and helmets to male guests, have a scrimmage over who gets
the wishbone.
- Tell youngest guests they’ll be baked in next year’s turkey if they don’t
do this year’s dishes.
- Mold stuffing into bust of Rush Limbaugh.
- Mold mashed potatoes into bust of Arnold Schwarzenegger.
- Two words: Cranberry Flambe!
- Sneak a can of Cheeze Wiz into the oven. Yell "Fire in the Hole!"
when it explodes.
- Start calling the person next to you "My Little Sweet Potato."
- Have the oldest, feeblest guest haul the turkey to the table.
- Start a rumor that the hostess has an unrequited pumpkin pie fetish.
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