Debra Galant, who writes from New Jersey for the New York Times, has a blog in which she explains the universe. Here’s an Onionesque take on the subject of “Open Heart Fundraisers.”

WUTEGGSIT, N.J. — The Wuteggsit PTA was devastated today to learn that its spring open-heart surgery fundraiser will be cancelled because of threatened lawsuit by a major New Jersey hospital trade group.